As a parent, we are often told and often think we need to “pick our battles”, right? Well, what if we could have fewer battles in the day , still get what we want, and give our kids something they want/need? Sounds impossible right? Wrong! Here is a simple way to help alleviate some of the power struggles that happen with our children. CHOICES!
Children are often just along for the ride, and they can feel that! That is why sometimes they will push back and be adamant about what they want. So, by making them a part of the plan and giving them some power, we can dismiss some of these struggles. However, there are some rules to make sure to follow with choices to make it go smoothly and keep your child trusting in these choices!
- Only offer choices when it is a choice!
- For example, don’t ask them a question about an activity if you want them to complete it in a certain way. In that case, you should try to give choices within the activity. If you want a child to sit and eat dinner, do not ask “Are you ready for dinner?”. This gives them the opportunity to say “no”, which we will talk about in the next bullet point! Instead, say “It’s dinner time! Do you want to wash your hands in the bathroom or in the kitchen? (Or, do you want your green cup or blue cup tonight?)”. This gives them some power in the activity, but tells them that it is what you are going to do.
- Respect the choice they make and follow through with it!
- When you ask a question, make sure you are ready to follow through with their answer. In the example above when you ask, “Are you ready for dinner?” you are giving them the option of saying “no”. We need to respect that answer since we gave them the choice and then we give them some additional time before dinner. If you do catch yourself asking this and they say “no”, you can make it a choice and still given them power by saying, “Okay, would you like to wash your hands in three minutes or four minutes?” Children need to learn their words mean something, so they will use more language with us. They do this when we are honest and follow through with what we say. They will also learn that when we say something, we will try to give them power in the activity as well and we respect them as people, too!
It can be difficult initially to change our thinking about the choices we offer and when we offer them, but it is important that we follow through on our word as their trusted people! If you do catch yourself offering choices that are not choices, try to change how you present it next (see above example)! This should decrease the number of power struggles and battles you fight throughout the day and make the activities more enjoyable for everyone! If you need specific examples of how to offer choices or how to help engage them in specific activities, please do not hesitate to ask any of us! We are happy to help!
~Amber
